With the Major League Baseball season getting underway yesterday, it’s a yearly rite of passage for every writer with even a passing interest in the game to throw out a half-assed, half-baked bunch of theories on how to “fix” baseball — baseball, you see, is much like a sex-obsessed canine, in that everyone whinges about the semen-caked furniture, but no one has the wherewithal to actually lop off the bugger’s balls.
Well, it’s time for some big league castration, ladies and gents. No more worrying about whether “America’s pastime” has lost its lustre or appeal, since after these strategies are implemented, you can pretty much hand over the presidency to Cyborg Bud Selig (it was inevitable anyway).
Drugs for all. As in the case of Tiger Woods’s rampant infidelity, the everyday person probably doesn’t have any inherent moral aversion to steroid use; they’re just a bit peeved at the lack of fairness when someone’s juicing (or taking ‘roids — zing!) and others aren’t. Continue reading →
Since it’s a bit of a faux pas to promote one’s own birthday, I’ll pop in with my bimonthly post to pimp the fact that the engine of Infield Fly, Chris, has a birthday today. So if all y’all appreciate the way he’s built up this site from humble beginnings to the burgeoning baseball behemoth it is today, then… I dunno, leave him a heartwarming message or something.
Now back to your originally scheduled programming.
So here I am, just trying to mind my off-season business, when bam, here comes the (sigh) out-of-left-field news that Buck freakin’ Martinez is coming back to Toronto to do play-by-play for the Blue Jays. This can only mean that the “Flashback Friday” powder-blues will soon become the squad’s everyday choice. Though of all the dumb nostalgia moves that Rogers has pulled, this is one it’s tough to argue against… Shulman and Martinez, for those of you old enough to shave, were a money duo in the booth (yes, they used to be the Jays’ announcing team, believe it or not) and with ol’ Bucky back in that colour seat, maybe he can squeeze some blood from the stone that is Jamie Campbell.
Oh, wait. Martinez is the play-by-play guy, you say? Hmm. Guess Campbell’s out on his ass. Sorry, he’s been “reassigned” — though I know enough out-of-work journos to know what that word means nowadays.
That’s kinda sad, actually. Campbell was bottom-of-shoe-sole crap at times (read: his first few years), but you could definitely tell he did his best to grow into the role. His seemingly legitimate enthusiasm at the big plays (for both teams, sadly) was nice, even if he still didn’t think to look at an outfielder’s reaction to get a handle on whether we were looking at a long bomb or a pop fly. Plus his awkward, stilted rapport with Rance Mulliniks was the stuff of legend. Nothing would help cut through the tedium of another Jays implosion like hearing those two conduct entirely separate conversations while sitting three feet away from each other.
Wow, this ode to Martinez suddenly turned into a eulogy for Campbell. How did that happen? Oh, right, because we’ve now become inured to all the “nostalgia” moves and even the most naive Jays fans should see them as cynical ploys to latch onto past glories in a desperate attempt to drag people out to the ballpark… and to distract from the front office’s sheer inability to build a team that’s set to contend in the long-term.
But, did you hear that guy turned a double play with a broken leg? A broken leg!! And, if we go down to the ‘Centre on Friday, we can get Rob Butler’s autograph and a free slice of pizza if the Jays strike out seven batters! Wow!
Hello everyone. Occasional contributor Squizz here, just poking my head in on the baseball side of things for some shameless promotion of one of my other projects, a little site called Some Canadian Guys Writing About Soccer. We’ve been nominated in the sports category in the 2009 Canadian Blog Awards, and we’d love your votes!
I’m sure that Chris, who usually holds down the fort here at Infield Fly, would attest to the awesomeness of said blog and its three contributors (he’d better, or we’ll deprive him of his status as a lovable 15-foot-tall cartoon bear).
Yes, there are baseball favourites on the ballot too — the drunks, Tao and Sports and the City among them – but fear not! You can vote for them and Some Canadian Guys! It’s a ranking system, where you rank as many (or as few) choices as you like.
If you’ve ever watched any sporting event in your life, you just knew.
You just knew that after Phil Cuzzi made one of the most egregiously, unbelievably horrible calls in the history of professional sports — to the detriment of the Twins — that the Yanks would win the game. That’s just the way life works. Continue reading →