As the Toronto Blue Jays ramp up their search for a new manager in the wake of John Farrell’s defection to the Boston Red Sox, they need to start interviewing prime candidates as quickly as possible. Infield Fly has received special information about this process, including, most importantly, the pre-interview questionnaire. A complete transscipt of this confidential document is presented, unedited, below.
Thank you for expressing interest in the Rogers Baseball Operations position of Mangager: Field Level, MLB. This brief questionnaire with give our interview team an opportunity to get to know before the first round of in-person interviews. Please circle only one answer for each question:
1. How much Major League managing experience do you have? (Choose the longest time frame which applies to you.)
A) I have been managing since before the Toronto Blue Jays existed as a franchise.
B) I have been managing since before the Toronto Blue Jays won the World Series.
C) I have been managing since Cito Gaston retired from managing.
D) I have six years managing a Subway, which I consider a Major League fast food chain.
2. Complete the following sentence with the word or phrase that best describes your personal feelings.
The Toronto Blue Jays are __________.
A) a world class organization.
B) a reliable paycheque.
C) the laughingstock of Toronto sports teams, unless you include the Leafs.
D) Sure as hell not the Boston Red Sox, dammit.
3. If you could only pick one team to reach the playoffs in 2013, which of the following would it be.
A) The Toronto Blue Jays
B) I’m kinda waiting on a call back about that very question, can I pass for now?
C) The Boston Red Sox
D) The Toronto Maple Leafs
4. What are you most looking forward to about the city of Toronto.
A) Experiencing various cuisines and shopping in the city’s great cultural mosaic.
B) Riding in the World Series victory parade.
C) Locating it on a map before I book my first plane ticket.
D) Seeing the world’s only retractable roof stadium made entirely of blocks of ice and snow.
5. It is the top of the first inning, you have runners on first and second, one out. Edwin Encarnacion is batting vs. David Price. You call for a:
A) Bunt to move the runners over for Adam Lind
B) Double steal to open up a hole on the left side.
C) Let him swing away.
D) Adam Lind is starting against David Price? Are you serious?
6. The score is tied 1-1 in the bottom of the 7th inning. Your number 8 hitter, Mike McCoy is at the plate with runners at first and third. You call for a:
A) Bunt for the safety squeeze
B) Delay double steal to steal a run
C) Have McCoy take a pitch to see if he might take a walk
D) Pinch hit for McCoy with the 4th outfielder
7. In an interleague game, your pitcher is facing the opposing pitcher with 1 out and a runner on 3rd. Do you:
A) Intentionally walk the opposing pitcher to set up a double play.
B) Take your chances and pitch to their pitcher aggressively.
C) Petition the league to use the DH all the time.
8. Many of our players have Spanish as their first language. How would you best communicate with these players?
A) Directly, I’m fluent in Spanish, English and speak a little Japanese.
B) Nunca se hizo estas preguntas estupideces cuando logré en la liga invernal dominicana.
C) Ze nooit gevraagd die stomme vragen toen ik erin slaagde in de Nederlandse Nationale competitie.
D) I’ve got the Google translate app downloaded on my iPhone.
9. One of the decision making tools we use in the dugout is called a Run Expectancy table. Could you explain your understanding of what that is.
A) The average number of runs scored from any baserunner/number of outs combination, until the end of that inning.
B) You can’t just expect to score runs, son, you have to actually play the game and score ‘em for real, that’s when you count ‘em.
C) I made one of those in shop class, but I couldn’t get the legs level.
D) When Brett Lawrie is on the bases, you look at the number of outs an multiply by the number of empty Red Bull cans he’s left behind, to get the percentage chance he thinks he can score that run from second base on an infield groundout.
10) Are you Cito Gaston, and did you grab a copy of this questionnaire when you saw the pile on my desk this morning?
B) Maybe. Would it eliminate me from consideration?